I love having hate sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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