I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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