he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize