Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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