he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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