I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
