Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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