I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
