Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize