She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize