Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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