He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
