Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
