I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
