He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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