I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
