he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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