I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
