you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
