I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
