Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
