I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
