Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize