Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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