I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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