I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
