whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
