you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
