Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
