That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
