did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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