Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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