She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
