Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
