Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
