youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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