I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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