Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize