I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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