the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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