So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
