At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
