That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
