I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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