so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
