Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
