my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
