Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
