Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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