So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
