I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize