Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize