The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
