Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
