id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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