I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
