I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
