I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
