what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
