Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
