the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize