you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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