Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
