Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i think my cat just said my name.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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