i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
