So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
