your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize