I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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